Meeting Dad- Part II

“Where are we going?” Samir’s dad asked him.

Samir looked at his watch and said, “Its pretty early in the morning. How about some breakfast?”

His dad looked at him without expression for a few moments and said, “I have had my breakfast.”

There was some awkward silence for a few minutes. Samir had not eaten anything since the previous afternoon. The anticipation of meeting his dad for the first time in 20 years had not left any space for hunger in his thoughts. But now, after picking his dad up, his hunger revealed itself fully and he was looking for the nearest restaurant on the highway.

“I am going to pull over shortly. There is a restaurant coming up.”

“Why did you ask me?” his dad questioned him.

“What?”

“I said why did you ask me if you were going to stop anyway?”

Samir was surprised at his dad’s response and was not sure what to make of it. He sensed a bit of open hostility on his dad’s part but decided to ignore it. This was, after all, a momentous occasion for both of them.

“I haven’t eaten.” Samir replied.

“So?” his dad asked.

Samir was again taken aback with his dad’s reaction. He still couldn’t understand his dad’s reaction, but this time, he didn’t say anything. The restaurant came into view and Samir pulled into the parking lot. His dad didn’t comment and Samir found himself being grateful for that. He just didn’t want any tension building up between them.

They both got out and headed to the restaurant. Samir decided not to say anything until they had settled around their table. There weren’t many in the restaurant and Samir chose the table by the window. His dad simply followed him and sat down opposite Samir. The early morning wind was creeping in through the window and as Samir adjusted his sweat shirt, the waiter came along and laid out two glasses of water.

“What can I get you Sir?” the waiter asked.

“What is available?” Samir questioned back.

“Idli, Vada, Dosa, Poori, Pulao, Kara Bath, Kesri bath..”

“Do you have Masala Dosa?” Samir asked.

The waiter nodded his head. “Get me one Masala Dosa.” Samir told the waiter and looked at his dad. “Are you sure you are not going to have ….?”

“Get me a plate of Idli-Vada. No Sambhar.” his dad told the waiter.

The waiter nodded again and left. Samir then realized that his dad had lied to him when he claimed that he was done with his breakfast. Though he couldn’t understand why, he decided not to say anything about it, fearing it would create more tension.

It was only then, for the first time, Samir looked at his dad closely. His dad was a bit taller than he was. He also suspected that his dad had put on some weight in prison. It was then that he observed the small scar on his dad’s forehead, lying hidden under the hair. Again, Samir suspected that the hair was deliberately pulled down to hide the scar. He was not sure what to make of his dad’s appearance and very soon, he would realize that it hardly mattered. He looked at his dad and forced himself into a weak and hesitant smile, hoping to ease any tension between them. But his dad hardly seemed to acknowledge his presence there, let alone note his smile. Samir began to feel uncomfortable and decided to initiate conversation.

“So….how have you been?” he asked carefully.

“What?”

“Umm.. I just asked how you have been?”

“Why?”

“Err.. I was just checking if you were alright.”

“Are you saying there is something wrong with me now?” his dad asked.

“No, no! I was just checking in general about you.” Samir tried to clarify.

“And why would that be?” his dad remarked.

Samir sensed a tinge of sarcasm in the tone and began to grow more and more uneasy with the whole situation. He had known the uncertainty associated with his act of picking up his father, but he had not expected his dad’s responses to be so cold. The more Samir thought about it, the more he convinced himself that this was only natural for someone meeting his son after 20 years. And, so he continued in his effort to converse with his dad.

“Well I was just checking on how you were that’s all. Just like how anybody asks about anybody else.”

His dad began to say something when the waiter appeared at with the food. His dad took a sip of water as the waiter laid out the food on the table. He waited for him to leave and then just dug into the food. Samir was not sure how he was supposed to interpret seeing his dad devour the breakfast in front of him. He began to wonder why he had lied earlier about having finished his breakfast as it was clearly not the case. And so as he watched his dad finish his plate and call the waiter for another helping of the same, Samir began to feel sorry for his dad. He wondered how bad the prison food was, how it was to eat that same food for 20 years and how it might have taken a toll on his health and taste. He thought about what all his dad had to endure, and become part of, in those 20 years and felt a shudder bring him back to the present and to his dad who was on the verge of finishing his second helping.

“What you looking at?” his dad asked.

“Er.. nothing. I was just eating.”

His dad turned his attention back to finishing his plate and then made a gesture for the waiter.

“Get me one cup of strong coffee.”

“Yes Sir. And for you Sir?” asked the waiter looking at Samir.

“Get me one as well.” Samir replied.

The waiter nodded and set off to the kitchen. Samir suddenly realized that he had still not eaten much and his hunger notwithstanding, he began to finish his plate quickly. The waiter arrived presently and laid out two steaming cups of coffee on the table. Then looking at his dad, he asked, “Shall I get the bill Sir?” Samir’s dad didn’t bother to even look up at the waiter. He was already sipping his cup of coffee. Samir then intervened, “Yes please.” And the waiter left.

“I’ll pay for it.” Samir said after a few moments.

His dad looked up with a frown on his face and said, “You thought I was going to pay for this?”

“Err..no..”

“You bring me here and you expect ME to pay for it?

“No I did not expect you to pay for it. Don’t misinterpret what I say!” cried Samir.

Samir immediately stopped, watching the hotel cashier who turned to have a look. He paid the bill at the table and said, “Lets go.”

His dad didn’t make any comment and simply followed him back to the car. Once they were back on the highway, Samir decided to try once more at initiating a normal conversation. Though his father had been, at best, laconic, Samir observed that he had never really raised his voice. It seemed like every response, though impulsive, was a calculated reply meant to put him in a discomfiting position. He looked at his dad who seemed totally oblivious to his son’s presence.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“What?”

“I said are you alright?”

“You already asked me that.” his dad replied curtly.

“Yes….but..”

“But what?”

“…that was then. You were kind of upset back in the hotel. You seem to have something on your mind.”

His dad looked at Samir and said, “That’s none of your business.”

“So there IS something that is bothering you.” Samir replied back, suddenly feeling more in control.

“Like I said, its none of your business.”

Samir sensed that he was getting somewhere with this and decided to pursue further.

“Well you can tell me. There is a long drive ahead of us.”

His dad stared at him for a few moments, and in a cold and sarcastic tone, he said, “Seriously, what does it bother you whats on my mind?”

Samir did not want to get on his father’s nerves at the risk of building up more tension and so decided to ease off a bit.

“Well if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine. I understand.” Samir quipped in.

“Oh now you understand? You think I will be doing a favor to myself by telling you about my problems? You feel that I have some kind of obligation to tell all my problems to you- somebody who shows up after 20 years to pick me up from prison? I got problems alright. And you wanna know whats the biggest problem I have right now? Its you! You are my biggest problem right now!”

Samir’s hands began to shake and he felt a sweat breaking on his forehead. He felt more vulnerable than ever and had to make an effort to stay focused on the road. He knew that he had pushed it a bit too far and that there was nothing he could do to set this right. His dad was now looking at him in an accusing manner and Samir was left searching for things to say to him.

“You want to know why?” his dad continued. “You want to know why you are my biggest problem right now? Why don’t you start by telling me what the hell you think you are doing here in the first place? You think you can just show up to pick me up after 20 years-just like that? Where were you all these days? Years? Tell me! What were you doing all these years when you could have come to see me? Answer me goddamnit!”

TO BE CONTINUED….